Hide and Hibernate...

The following week I tried to ignore every unprofessional sms Ben sent me. I kept it all about the work and tried not to run into him at the flat. To convince myself I felt nothing for Ben I chose to communicate through Becca. I would send her updates of my progress knowing she would inform Ben and just stuck to sending official emails to him.

That did not work for long though. Becca decided to come have a look at the flat on a Tuesday evening and Ben came with her.

I remember I had better control that evening, We went through the apartment, by now it was 70% done, I just had a few more pieces to install in the hallway, terrace and living room, by the following Tuesday I would be done. Becca begged me not to allow Ben see the apartment without her, I asked if she was going anywhere to which she answered she was travelling for a family wedding for 10 days.

When she finished her sentence I looked at Ben and he was looking at me intensely behind Becca. All I wanted to do was cry and beg Rebecca not to travel... I asked him if he would be kind enough to wait, and he said he was making no promises. Becca turned to him and hit him in the shoulder, he laughed, held her hands down, kissed her and promised to wait till she got back.

I excused myself to the toilet and when I came out Ben alone was standing in the flat, I asked for Rebecca whilst picking up my bag and work case, he said she went to get her camera from the car. He then asked if I was doing well, I answered yes and asked why? He replied for no reason.

I told him good night and walked by. He said good night too.

I felt very angry that evening. Angry at myself for feeling the way I felt in my tummy. So angry cause I knew he knew I felt something for him, angry at him for putting me in this situation. He knew the effect he had on me and did not care to exercise caution.

I was most angry because I knew with Rebecca gone, Ben was going to have more time to send me messages. Avoiding him was going to get harder.