Been off on a boat!

I've been on a cruise, part of what the Doctor ordered! Still did not stop me from thinking about Ben, so I am back to my writing. I think of all the things Doc ordered this has worked best.

After our first steamy session, I stopped feeling bad about the way I felt about Ben. I think Ben helped a lot in relieving me of my guilt.

We became friends! I was no longer offended by his text messages because they were funny and sweet. He had moved in completely into his new flat now with Becca but his old flat had not been sold yet so that was our special place.

We met up, watched episodes of 24 back to back.. Cooked dinner together and through it all Ben was affectionate. He only kissed me on the lip, my cheek and my forehead. He did not try to go down on me again or anything further to that.

I was DISAPPOINTED! I remember being frustrated every time I got home trying to figure out what went wrong from the last time we got very intimate. Until one night... the night I broke up with Derrick....

Officially A Cheater!

I cried on my way back to work that day. Looking back now I believe it was because I realised that afternoon Ben was going to be my weak point. I cried because I have never felt that out of control in my entire life.

Ben sent me series of txt messages the rest of the week, which I ignored. Sex with my boyfriend was not the same anymore. All I wanted was Ben and I hated myself for wanting him. On Friday I responded to Ben's messages.

I asked him to come over for a 24 marathon, Derrick was visiting his parents for the weekend. I remember I made some dinner and stocked up on our favourite bottle of red. He rang the bell and I stood there looking at the door for a minute.

Took a deep breath and opened. He leaned in and kissed me on my cheek and my breath got knocked out of my lungs. He came to mine straight from work so he smelt of sweat and cologne. He put down his bag, took off his coat and bent over to take off his shoes and socks.

I made fun of his second toe being taller than the first. We settled at the table for dinner. 

Ben: Why did you decide to reply me? 

Me: It's friday night, I needed some company

Ben: Well I'm more than happy to be your booty call.

We laughed and continued to talk about 24. I asked him how moving in was going, he said almost done. I then asked about Becca.

Me: Becca...

Ben: She's home

Me: So, are we just watching an episode?

Ben: As many as we can..

Me: Don't you have to be home soon?

Ben: 24 and you? I'm in no hurry.

I blushed so hard after that. He cleared the plates and insisted on washing up immediately. I decided to dry after him. We stood there in silence. He washed handed me the dishes and I dried. When we were done I was stretching to place the dishes in the cabinet above and he came behind me and took them out of my hands and placed them up but did not lean back. 

I stood there, between the cabinet and Ben, my breathing and my pulse filled my head. He turned me round and as usual I could not look up and him. He cupped my face and lifted it. I looked at him, he leaned into me and kissed me.

So gently, so sweetly. He put his hands on my button and took the first one off... He paused looking into my eyes and leaned into my ears and asked... 'Should I continue?' 

My words had failed me. He moved to the second button, took it off and kissed me again, slowly, gently.... He lifted me then with one hand and placed me on the bench top. He stood back and stared and me like I was a trophy on a shelf. He took off his shirt and moved close to me. He traced my face with his fingers and kissed me again this time with more passion.

He reached for the rest of the buttons, took them off and let my top slide off my body. He kissed my shoulders. Kissed my chests and top of my breasts. Kissed me deeply on my lips and took off my bra. In that instant I felt so shy and held on to my bra. Ben stopped kissing me and pulled out within an inch of my face. He looked at me straight in the eye.

I could see it, in his eyes then. I was his weakness too. His eyes had lightened so much, He told me with his eyes He wanted me, He adored me and with his eyes holding mine he gently pulled my hands down and my bra fell off. He leaned and kissed me in the V of my neck and slowly down between my breath. 

His kisses felt like a butterfly on my skin. He kissed me on my nipple, both of them. Then leaned out and took off his trousers off. He asked me if I wanted him naked. Words failed me again and He took it off. My breath stopped. Ben. Was. Beautiful.

He walked back to me and kissed me with his tongue deep. Cupped my breast and pinched my nipples. I was wet, so went I could feel it on the table. He leaned out and asked if he could take off my pants, I said yes. He peeled it off and He spread my legs apart and started kissing the inside of my lap. He asked if he should continue I said yes and He slid his finger inside my nickers and started to fuck me.

All of a sudden he stopped, lifted me up bent down and pulled down my nickers. Derrick goes down on me, but Ben fucked me with his mouth....He fondled with my clit with his tongue and slid it inside and out, in and out. He then slid his finger in whilst his mouth was on my clit.

No one would ever fuck me with his mouth the way Ben did. No one! We laid on the kitchen floor.. staring at each other. His phone rang, He didn't answer. He got up, dressed up and lifted me off the floor. He pulled me close and kissed me.

He turned and left...

Rush Of Blood To My Head...

I was done with the flat and agreed to slip the key through the letter box at Ben's current apartment. I told him I was going to do it in the morning on my way out but I was really going to slip it in during my lunch break.

It was a working week and I was sure Ben would not be at home. As a Civil Engineer I expected he would be out on some project by the time I get there. I dropped the keys in an envelope and slipped it through the letter box, I was so happy we did not see.

Just as the doors to the elevator was about to close, my phone rang and it was Ben, I could hear his voice through the phone and outside the elevator. I hit the door close and G button and the elevator started going down.

Ben: Hey, where are you running off too? I thought you were coming this morning.

Me: Hi! What are you doing home today? Yea, plans changed!

Ben: I had some paperwork to go over today and decided to work from home.

'The bell on the elevator rung'

Ben: Oh you are still in the building! Come back up real quick would you? I need to thank you in person!

Me: Thank me? I have just done my job! May be you should wait to see the flat first...

Ben: No, you've got good eyes, like me! I trust your work. Ok if you don't come back up I would come down to you.

Me: That would be late, I am about to jump into the car.

Ben: We both know you are walking to the bus stop. No one dares to drive at lunch hour in this city.

Me: ..... Ok, I'm coming up!

Click.

The elevator ride was one of the longest ones I have ever been on. I had a lot of work to get back to on my desk, I would make this real quick, I told myself. The door opened and Ben was standing right in front, I walked straight into him.

His phone fell out of his hands and he picked it up. I told him I had a lot of work to get back to and would not be staying long. We walked into his flat and his scent was everywhere. I felt woozy! I asked him if he used an interior designer for his current flat and he said he designed it all by himself.

I was impressed! He asked for what I would like to drink, I asked for a cup of coffee. Since I entered the flat I kept my eyes on everything else except Ben. All the while thinking about how he looked that afternoon.

He had on a white shirt with blue jeans, the shirt was tucked out and his sleeves folded, he had also left the two top buttons loose so I could see some hair on his chest. I noticed a pair of glasses on his work table and asked what his defect was and he said he was nearsighted.

I laughed and said that explains why he always stands so close to me, he laughed as well, brought me my cup of coffee and stood very close to my face. We both laughed and I looked away. We sat quietly for two minutes and I broke the silence by talking about my finished work. He just nodded, smiled and stared.

I sneezed and my hair fell into my face, he got up to hand me the tissue box, after which he pulled my hair to the back of my ears. I felt my cheeks turn red, my body was hot again. He then said I think I have an effect on you. I could not look in his face or respond. I was looking for something in the bottom of my cup.

He moved close to me, took the cup from my hands and dropped it on the table. I was staring at the cup still, he tried to lift my face with his fingers, but I refused. He got up and walked through the hallway into a room.

I remember I got up immediately to try to leave, he walked back out and just stood there, staring at me. I felt like a school child caught doing something wrong. I smiled and said I needed to go back to work. He smiled back and said of course, walked to me, stopped a few inches from my body, smiled, leaned in and kissed me on my lip. He pulled back and stared at me now. Stared hard into my soul, I felt naked...

I felt all the blood in my body rush to my head. I was breathing heavy. I think I wanted to cry. I dropped my face again. He lifted it and kissed me again, this time deeper, I kissed him back.

His lips where thicker than Derricks, softer too, he kissed me slowly, tenderly...My body was responding in ways I never knew it could, I could feel every hair on my body like electricity running through me....He was making love to my lips. My legs could no longer hold me again and I leaned into his body for support.

He caught me and stopped. He stopped and we stood there, me in his arms, his scent all over me, swimming in my blood stream. I opened my eyes and realised his were closed. I asked him why he was doing this to me... He opened his eyes and released me. He sat down and it was only then I realised he was pale as a ghost.

He looked up at me and asked me the same question.... I turned and walked out of the flat.

Hide and Hibernate...

The following week I tried to ignore every unprofessional sms Ben sent me. I kept it all about the work and tried not to run into him at the flat. To convince myself I felt nothing for Ben I chose to communicate through Becca. I would send her updates of my progress knowing she would inform Ben and just stuck to sending official emails to him.

That did not work for long though. Becca decided to come have a look at the flat on a Tuesday evening and Ben came with her.

I remember I had better control that evening, We went through the apartment, by now it was 70% done, I just had a few more pieces to install in the hallway, terrace and living room, by the following Tuesday I would be done. Becca begged me not to allow Ben see the apartment without her, I asked if she was going anywhere to which she answered she was travelling for a family wedding for 10 days.

When she finished her sentence I looked at Ben and he was looking at me intensely behind Becca. All I wanted to do was cry and beg Rebecca not to travel... I asked him if he would be kind enough to wait, and he said he was making no promises. Becca turned to him and hit him in the shoulder, he laughed, held her hands down, kissed her and promised to wait till she got back.

I excused myself to the toilet and when I came out Ben alone was standing in the flat, I asked for Rebecca whilst picking up my bag and work case, he said she went to get her camera from the car. He then asked if I was doing well, I answered yes and asked why? He replied for no reason.

I told him good night and walked by. He said good night too.

I felt very angry that evening. Angry at myself for feeling the way I felt in my tummy. So angry cause I knew he knew I felt something for him, angry at him for putting me in this situation. He knew the effect he had on me and did not care to exercise caution.

I was most angry because I knew with Rebecca gone, Ben was going to have more time to send me messages. Avoiding him was going to get harder.

Crept In My Veins...

I arrived at the flat with my team..fitted some kitchen and bedroom furniture. I remember stopping on the way there to freshen up in a restaurant. You know how some times your breathing pattern becomes irregular... deep breath...deep breath.. normal..normal...deep! I felt like a mess!, sick in my tummy.. swallowing saliva in gulps...

Anyways back to the flat, once I got there I felt much better, dived straight into pullling, lifting, unwrapping and all. Soon we were done and all my team members called it a day and left. The panic came over me again. I had hoped he would come in when someone else was there or I was busy at least. I opened up the window for fresh air to calm me down and also went and freshened up again.

In walked Ben. the prickly heat came over me again.... I walked over extended my hand for a shake, which he took but did not release, he pulled me in for a peck and let me go. There it was again, cool zesty musk....He took off his coat and and scarf, took off his blazer, and walked right by me to the kitchen.

It took a while for me to turn and follow him, I was stood there, scrolling through my pad as if I had lost a file on it, but all I could think about was how good Ben looked! Derrick was pretty boy handsome, any girl would be lucky to have a guy who looks like Derrick. I think the world would find Derrick better looking. Ben though... he was masculine and rough around the edges. His light grey and blue eyes against his caramel brown skin tone was something I have never seen before, I was wondering what his body looked like behind all those clothes.

So I followed into the kitchen, showed him how some of the cabinets worked, also took him to the bedroom and showed him the cabinets we installed. He was impressed with the smart use of space, asked for some changes which I noted down in my pad. He walked back to the hallway, and I stood there wondering what next? I remember it feeling so awkward.

He peeped in and said are you coming with or not? I turned and said oh yea, was just giving it a final sweep. He had his laptop with him, placed it on the work top in the kitchen and plugged it in. He went through his bag, brought out two paper cups and the bottle of the wine we both liked.

Me: You came prepared....

Ben: It has been a long day right? 

Me: Yes it has...the silence in between was so awkward.

He turned his laptop on, pulled a stool in and sat, I pulled a stool in and sat beside him. He scrolled to videos, opened the folder and put 24 on... The volume was a bit low so we both reached out to increase it and our hands touched and held for about 5 seconds, my insides back flipped, I pulled out and he increased the volume.

We watched in absolute silence, I was not paying attention to it anyways, I just kept thinking, why is he so quiet, I laughed...oooh'd! and cried out; 'I remember this part!', he just turned looked a me and smiled each time. His smile made me gulp saliva.

He had opened the bottle and I was drinking more than him, I guess because I was so unsettled. Just as the episode ended I got up to pee. When I walked back in he had turned in is stool and was facing the direction I was coming from, so he was looking straight at me as I walked from the loo. He was not smiling or frowning... He was staring at me like I was a painting he was trying to understand....

No one has ever looked at me the way Ben does. Ben stares at me so much, I feel he can see my soul. It felt like his eyes were slowly undressing me. I was so uncomfortable I looked down until I was back at my sit, and even then I picked the empty bottle of wine and started looking for something on it.

He asked if we could watch another episode, I said I could not. I had plans with Derrick, I asked if he had any plans with Becks, he said he was not aware of them if they were. I got up and accidentally dropped my phone. Ben picked it looked at my screen which had a picture of me and Derrick on it for a while, smiled and handed it back to me.

Till I got out of that door, I tried to keep my eyes on everything else except Ben, I could feel his eyes all over me....He said he was going to watch one more episode before going home. I asked him to be safe, packed up my bags, and was walking towards the door. He got up and walked after me, leaned in to give me a goodbye hug and held in....I felt his breathe on my neck...he was smelling my hair..

He pulled out an inch close to my face and asked what smell my shampoo was, our bodies were not touching at all, but we were standing so close to each other, his scent crept into my nostrils, crept into my veins, possessed my entire body, my legs felt like jelly, I felt woozy. He guessed, coconut? cocoa butter? I replied yea to every thing cause my brain was not functioning. I felt so hot inside and my heart started beating so fast that I dropped my face again... Could not dare to lift my face....

Ben lifted my face, held it with the tips of his fingers, moved in to my cheeks and pecked me. He moved back and said good night. I don't think I said anything, I think I just looked down again and walked out....

As I stood waiting for Derrick to drive up the bus stop... I convinced myself I had drank a little to much wine this evening. That was the only way I could cope with the way I was feeling all over....

.....The 24 Fanatic In Me...

For the rest of the weekend I was busy with Derrick and Ben did not cross my mind except in connection to the job I was doing for him. On monday I had ordered some of the furniture and pieces for the flat. I went to the store in the evening, saw that bottle of wine..giggled, picked it up. Got into the car...scrolled to my phone...picked up Ben's last message about 24 and replied.

At every traffic light I looked at my phone to see if he had replied, as soon as I parked the car I looked at my phone again, saw he had not replied and for some reason felt stupid! You know at this point I should have known I was attracted to Ben and shut it down there, in fact I think I knew but denied it with all my being.

I sulked! I got into the house... Derr was talking to me about his day, I started fixing dinner and occasionally nodded, smiled and said uh-huh! Really! We ate, and during dinner my phone beeped! I picked it up, saw it was Ben's reply but for some reason did not read it. All of a sudden my mood improved, I was talking more and cracking jokes. Derr soon dozed off after dinner and I picked my phone and read Ben's reply.

Ben: Hi! yes Jack is immortal isn't he? Are you up to date on the show? Please don't spoil it for me, I am way behind!

Me: Yes I am up to date with it! What season/epi. are you on again?

Ben: Just about finishing the second season....Intense! I am dying!, Becks does not understand why I get so stressed...hahaha!

Me: Aaah! she does not watch 24? Same situaiton.

Ben: You have a boyfriend?....

Me: Yes... and he does not play on Team24 too!

Ben: Thats a shame!

Me: Same to you!

Me: So I have ordered a couple of pieces and we would start fitting immediately the flooring is done...

He did not respond until past midnight, so I woke up to this response:

Ben: Fitting sounds boring..so what do you say to re-watching some episodes while you fit? when are you fitting?

The 24 fanatic in me responded to that message, although it felt wrong to Derrick's girl, although her heart beat stopped after reading that the text, I would blame the next words i typed out on the 24 fanatic in me..

Me: 24 and work never sounded any better....

It was this moment I admitted to myself I was getting into trouble...!

Walked Into The Door... My Trap Door.

The following Monday, I sent Ben my terms of agreement by email. He was to go over it and sign by weekend. I decided to pick it up at the his flat so I could have a look around. I was really happy that week, my boyfriend at that time Derrick who worked in advertising had received news that he would be promoted to Digital Adverts Manager...We had a week long celebration every evening at home. Derrick was PERFECT and at that time I would have never ever thought I would be able to love anybody more than I loved Derrick. He was IT.

You know that type of guy that listens (actually paying attention) to you even when you are talking absolute gibberish and shuts you up with kisses, that apologises even when he knows he was right and you were wrong. The type of guy that piggy backs you home because it hurts to walk in your heels. The type that offers you 110% support. He was committed to me and as far as I knew I was committed to him!.

We looked good together, we complimented each other; he is 5'11, brown Hair, clean shaven, light blue eyes with the perfect school boy smile. I am around the same height as Derrick, same hair colour, light brown eyes and petite. We were perfect! He loved to dress to the nines! I was not much of a dresser before we hooked up but my style sense improved with Derrick. I never thought I would ever cheat on Derr or become a cheater, but it happened! I am still sorry for hurting you.

So.. rang the door bell and Ben opens it, he reached in and we air kissed and shook hands, I got my hand back and my palms were sweaty. He smelt zesty cool, I thought nice scent! I walked in, he took my coat off for me and I felt very hot again! He had not moved in yet so the apartment was mostly bare. Except for a foldable bed in the corner with a lamp.

Ben loves to wear lumberjack shirts and was wearing a red one that evening. I had a look at the apartment. Took pictures, took some measurements, and I noticed he stood very close to me when we went through the documents, his smell filled my nostrils and I started to sweat again. We were done, I asked him if there was a store near by; I needed to buy a bottle of wine for myself and Derr. He offered to walk me to one and so off we went.

I remember we talked about how long it took for him to get the apartment, his job, his girlfriends' preferences and all. He was very open about his life.. I just replied with a lot of oh yea? really? and Why?....I noticed he was taller than Derr, he liked to crack jokes, really funny guy! I enjoyed his company, he made me laugh a lot. We got to the store and I turned to say bye but he insisted on walking in with me and walking me back to my car when I was done.

I agreed, we went in, I looked for Derr and I's favourite bottle but they had run out. Ben recommended this other bottle of wine he swore was better than our favourite. I took his word for it. He took the bag from me, walked me to the car, put the bottle on the passengers seat, leaned over pecked my cheek, turned back and walked over to his car... He didn't say a word! I shouted Ok! Bye!

I got inside the car, turned the engine on, and caught my reflection in the rear view mirror. I realised then I had been blushing hard! I looked over at Ben's car and he was gone... I kept trying to stop smiling but could not stop. Ben was lovely..I thought, a nice person..I thought as I drove home to Derr. A voice in my head wondered why I was thinking those things about my client, but I shut it down. I figured he was just a very nice chap...

I and Derr ate dinner with our bottle, Ben was right! It tasted so good I thought to send him a text to say thank you! I picked up my phone and texted him: 'Thank you for the upgrade'... He replied: 'Aah...what did you have it with?'... I replied: 'Lamb never tasted better'.... He then said: 'I am about to poor myself a glass and relax into 24, glad to be of help'...

I love TV, watch a lot of it and I could discuss Jack Bauer the lead character on 24 for hours. Ben loved 24 too.. So lets just say this was the trap door. 24 was my trap door... Derr took my phone from my hand and started to massage my neck, kiss it.. zip down my dress and I forgot all about Ben for the rest of the evening...

But by Monday morningI re-opened that door, and walked in......